Immediate Practical Matters

This section describes some things you, your family, or friends may face after violence. Refer to Types of Violence for resources specific to a particular type of incident.

IMMEDIATE MEDICAL NEEDS

If you are a crime victim/survivor with medical needs, the emergency medical personnel will have taken you to a hospital for treatment. 

See our section on Non-Fatal Physical Assaults/Shootings to find more resources, including the Seeds of NOLA Trauma Recovery Center.

For sexual assault and rape cases, a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) will gently guide you through an exam, although this is voluntary. Social workers are available any time afterwards. Refer to our Sexual Assault section for more information.

• If you are in need of medical attention — and not taken by ambulance — University Medical Center (UMC) in New Orleans offers forensic medical examinations. Click here for all New Orleans area locations where you can get a free Forensic Medical Exam after sexual violence. You should not be charged for this cost.

• For domestic violence cases, after treatment, a counselor and specially trained NOPD detectives will talk to you when you are able. 

• Our Sexual Assault section includes information on important medical issues to be aware of.

• Visit our Resources section to find organizations and service providers who can provide assistance, such as New Orleans Family Justice Center (NOFJC) and Sexual Trauma Awareness and Response (STAR). 

After a crime is reported, the NOPD Victim Witness Assistance unit should contact you — they are familiar with the various needs you will face, so let them help you. They can help with relevant referrals.

STAY SOMEWHERE SAFE

Often, it will be necessary to secure the crime scene and preserve important evidence. The New Orleans Police Department (NOPD) can help advise you on appropriate steps to take.

To receive a safety assessment, survivors of domestic or intimate partner violence (DV/IPV) or stalking can contact the New Orleans Family Justice Center (NOFJC) or Metro Centers for Community Advocacy, and survivors of sexual violence or related stalking can reach out to Sexual Trauma Awareness and Response (STAR).

• If you have reported the crime to police, you can also talk to the Detective in your case if you have concerns about physical safety and security in your home.

Given how devastated and vulnerable you may feel, try to surround yourself with people who are caring. If the suspect is still at large, consider staying with people who offer safe shelter. If the crime happened where you live, you may have to stay somewhere else.

Seek out protection from additional harm:

• If you face an immediate threat or feel you are in immediate danger, call 911. Call 988 for mental health services (including emergencies) and 211 for general resources (non emergency).

• If you are threatened or intimidated by others because of your connection to the case, you should immediately notify your Detective and/or Victim/Witness Advocate. 

• Serious threats may result in that person’s arrest, or even a permanent or temporary restraining order (TRO), which orders the responsible party to stay away and cease all contact with victims, witnesses and/or their families.

• Survivors of sexual violence can get legal support from STAR. Survivors of domestic violence, intimate partner violence, stalking, or abuse can similarly reach out to the NOFJC or Metro Centers for Community Advocacy.

• Visit the NNEDV’s Safety Net for technology, safety, and online privacy tips.

• Scroll down to our section on Keeping Your New Location Private, and/or check out our online tutorial on the state Address Confidentiality Program (ACP).

HOUSING, RELOCATION, AND URGENT FINANCIAL NEEDS

Finding safe housing may be essential following a traumatic event. 

• The NOPD Victim/Witness Assistance Unit can provide referrals to agencies that can help find you safe housing.

• The District Attorney may be able to assist with urgent housing resources such as temporary emergency relocation or with rental deposit assistance.

• If you are a survivor of a sexual assault, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, stalking, or abuse, NOFJC or Metro Centers for Community Advocacy can help.

• A survivor of domestic abuse or sexual assault has the right to legally vacate a lease/rental contract for safety reasons related to the crime.

• Crime Victims’ Reparations/Compensation (CVR/CVC) may provide reimbursement for relocation costs in certain circumstances (if you qualify), but it may take months for approval of your total reimbursement. Visit our Guide to CVR/CVC for information on emergency funds.

• STAR has a Survivor Financial Assistance program for survivors of sexual violence.

• Traveler’s Aid Society has housing programs to help people find stable, permanent shelter, including a DV housing program for survivors and their dependents.

• Our Housing section includes additional options, but unfortunately finding something suitable can take time.

• The New Orleans Community Resource Guide lists many free/low cost services.

KEEPING YOUR NEW LOCATION PRIVATE

The LA Secretary of State administers an Address Confidentiality Program (ACP) which provides relocated victims of abuse, sexual assault or stalking, with a substitute address to prevent an assailant from finding the location of a victim through public records.

• There are important restrictions to this program, so contact them immediately before you make plans to move. They can only assist if you do not own the home and have not put any of your bills under the new address.

• To learn more about the ACP program, visit our Guide to ACP which links to the state website, or see Louisiana Revised Statutes LA RS 44:51-57.

• Act 186 (HB1012) of the 2026 legislative session, sponsored by Rep. Boyd, included new privacy protections for survivors of sex offenses, classifying them as “protected individuals” under Louisiana’s public records laws, which allows survivors to request removal of their information from public records.

• Required documentation includes: a police report, protective order, or final judgment. Act 186 is new, and we hope to share additional details in the future via our printed guidebook, website, and social media.

EMERGENCY AWARD

You may be eligible for emergency financial assistance of up to $1,000 from the state’s Crime Victims’ Reparations/Compensation (CVR/CVC) program, if you qualify.

• With an emergency award, the money should be distributed much more quickly than with a full CVR/CVC application (within weeks rather than months).

• For full applications, the maximum award amount is $15,000. Victims who suffer total permanent disability as a result of their victimization may qualify for up to $25,000.

• Note: Act 684 (HB969) of the 2026 legislative session, sponsored by Rep. Wiley, changed the program’s name from “Crime Victims Reparations” to “Crime Victims’ Compensation.” Refer to our Guide to CVR/CVC for additional program changes and information.

GET A SUPPORT SYSTEM GOING

If people offer to help and you need assistance, try to surround yourself with those who are supportive, helpful, and kind.

• Make a list of people to contact and how they can help, for example: Child care / Help with pets / Meals / Yard work and cleaning at home / Referrals for doctors, therapists, funeral homes, etc. / Driving (driving is unsafe when in shock or on certain medications) / Financial aid / Attending important meetings.

• If applicable, ask someone you can trust to act as a medical advocate (if you’re physically injured), to assist in making medical decisions and with any health insurance issues, such as obtaining pre-approvals, especially if there are multiple injuries; or see if a case manager can be assigned by your insurance company.

• Refer to our section For Friends and Family for more information on how to support a friend or family member who has been through a violent trauma.

IDENTIFYING THE BODY / AUTOPSY & CORONER

Refer to our section on Homicide for more information.

District NOPD investigators will often handle initial scenes, but detectives go to all homicide and suicide cases, as well as any unclassified deaths (where there is nothing obvious to explain the cause). 

When it is clear a crime has caused the death, the body cannot be moved from where it is found without permission from the Coroner. Typically, detectives do not touch a body at the crime scene, but will attend the victim’s autopsy at the Coroner’s office. Police and Coroners will be inspecting the body for clues that might be critical. 

An autopsy is required by law for all these kinds of cases, and will be conducted to determine what internal and external injuries caused death. Wounds and injuries may be photographed and marked on a diagram. These will be used in a trial. 

• The Coroner makes the final determination of the cause of death, which will be used for any court issues. 

• The body will be picked up from the Coroner’s office by your funeral home, or taken to the morgue. 

FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS

Refer to our section on Homicide for more information.

CRIME SCENE CLEANUP

In some situations, time is of the essence to do the cleanup. If possible, it’s a good idea to talk with the police before doing any cleanup. It is recommended that a professional organization does this work. Costs for professional cleanup may vary widely; these services may be reimbursable through Crime Victims’ Reparations/Compensation (CVR/CVC), but only if they are provided by a professional company insured for that purpose.

Though well-intentioned friends or neighbors may try and help you clean up, this is not a good idea due to the risk of contamination, infection, or potentially compromising evidence.

KEEP NOTES

Some people find it helpful to keep notes of important meetings or discussions with Detectives, insurance claim people, estate lawyers, etc. (you can use a notebook or your phone).

• You can write out questions in advance and then say: “Let me check that I’ve covered all the questions I wrote out for you.” At the end of the conversation, you can summarize your understanding so everyone is clear on each point.

• NOTE: If you are a witness in a court case and you tell officials (NOPD/DA) about your notes, they can be subpoenaed for and used at trial (you may have to testify about them), and they must be shared with the defense.

• Keep receipts and bills for crime-related expenses, medical costs, living costs, childcare, etc. (or take photos). This documentation may be used if the accused is ordered to pay restitution, or for your Crime Victims’ Reparations/Compensation (CVR/CVC) application for possible reimbursement.

Even though I thought I’d never forget what was discussed in important calls, of course I did. - Rose

TIME OFF FROM WORK AND RETURNING

Some find the routine of work helpful, while others will need to take time off. 

If you need to take time off from your job, you can show your employer your item card or brochure that the police will provide, or perhaps show a news article. Crime Victims’ Reparations/Compensation (CVR/CVC) can help with lost wages due to taking time off after violent crime.

If you are returning to work, consider discussing these points with your employer and/or coworker(s):

• You may need more breaks than usual, in case you have a grief or panic attack, or if someone says something insensitive.

• You may need to temporarily work on different assignments.

• The effects of grief (anger, withdrawal, sadness, physical collapse) are not necessarily related to your attitude to the job.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO

If anyone unknown wants you to discuss the crime, do not be pressured; instead, ask for their name, title, agency/organization, and if possible, business card. If you feel unsure or uneasy about talking to someone, tell them you may check back later. Discuss with your Detective or Victim/Witness Advocate.

• Defense teams have their own investigators, so always ask for detailed information on who they represent. DA can mean Defense Attorney or District Attorney — so check.

• Victims are not required to speak to the defense. If you plan to speak with the defense team, it’s a good idea to first speak to your Detective and/or NOPD Victim Witness Advocate (or your ADA or DA Victim/Witness Advocate if post-arrest).

RELATING TO THE MEDIA

Initially, I did not speak to the media despite repeated requests, but a year later, when the killer died, I did make a brief statement. It may sound strange, but I felt cheated by the killer’s death in that he avoided trial — and was infuriated that the killer’s family claimed that his was a “wrongful death.” 

I wrote out what I wanted to say, as I knew my emotions could easily overtake me and I might forget the main points I wanted to cover — and asked some friends to proofread it. I then called and shared the comments with the detective and ADA for their approval. I had friends stand with me while I gave the interview.

- Rose Preston

Violent crime often brings with it the spotlight of the media, wanted or unwanted. 

Being the subject of public attention can take a toll on one’s mental health and sense of safety. Be aware that news coverage may include hurtful, sensationalized, inaccurate, or misleading information that can be seen by anyone

On the other hand, some victims and survivors have found that strategic use of the media can potentially assist with visibility of the case. For some, sharing their story in their own words can help.

Also consider these issues:

• You are not required to talk to any media representative or reporter. If your case is open (and a trial is anticipated), it’s a good idea to consider any public statements you make carefully, as they can be used in court.

• You might release a written statement, but in an open case, you may want to ask your Detective or Advocate to review it first. Others can also speak on your behalf or read your statement, such as a support person, friend, or faith leader.

• If you’ve noticed a reporter whose work you respect, you might approach them. It is a good idea to consider privacy boundaries.

• When you speak with a reporter, you can clarify expectations and how your statements may be used in the reporting, like asking if statements will be “on the record” (everything can be published), “off the record” (confidential), or “on background” (information you give can be used, but you aren’t named or quoted without further approval). You can also request to review direct quotes before the piece is released, but not all publications allow this.

• Refer to NCVC’S media guide for more helpful information and guidance.

THE ROLE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Since most social media posts are public, information can be seen by anyone — police, prosecutors, the defense, journalists, and suspects. As stated above, keep in mind that certain statements could impact the police investigation or be used in court.

• To share important information with friends and family, you (or a trusted friend) can send group texts, group emails, or create a private group on a shared messaging platform, but take care not to release sensitive information or provocative, inflammatory statements/accusations. You might suggest people use respectful language in their group messages.

• Another way to handle this is to create a new contact account, and make it a closed, private group that is accessible to friends only. You would need to notify friends of this new group, and invite them to join

If your situation involves homicide, then it is likely that your deceased loved one’s social media account(s) will be reviewed (if they had one) by the detective for possible evidence in various communications. Investigators may request that the account remain open to see additional posts. 

If your deceased loved one’s account is still active and you choose to keep it that way, don’t put up updates on the case if it is significant or sensitive information — again, anyone can read it. It is important that you or a trusted friend(s) monitor your loved one’s social media account to be sure that nobody else is posting sensitive, harmful or private information. An option is to create a separate account, such as “In Memory of (Loved One’s Name).”

DEALING WITH YOUR INVESTIGATION

Since trauma affects memory, you may find or remember useful information that may help in the investigation. You can contact your Detective or Victim/Witness Advocate with such information for them to evaluate.

If you find something that might be considered evidence, it’s a good idea to check first with these contacts, and do not touch or disturb these items so as to avoid jeopardizing the case or your safety. For example, you may notice something out of place, or items left behind by the person who committed the crime. Or you may be able to connect your Detective with neighbors or witnesses who can help.

If relevant, ask nearby businesses and/or neighbors if they have working security cameras that might have video footage, but first check with your Detective before doing so. Note that most video footage only lasts for 30 days or less, so it must be preserved quickly.

• Some people use local social networking (like Facebook or NextDoor) to share and gather info, but know that discussions on these platforms are not trauma-informed and can be triggering.

A priority is put on DNA tests in violent crime cases, but DNA processing takes time and cannot be rushed. It can take anywhere from two weeks to several months, depending on the investigation and the lab processing the evidence.

If an individual is arrested, you can check their custody status using the Orleans Parish Sheriff’s Office Detainee Search. You can also register for victim notifications (using a form) through NOPD or the DA’s office, or directly through LA VINE. Refer to our Guide to Victim Notifications for more information.

For Federal arrests, see our Federal Crimes section. 

For additional information on investigations, refer to our Criminal Legal Process section.

CRIMESTOPPERS

If someone possibly knows the identity and/or whereabouts of a person who committed a crime but is scared to involve police, they can call this group at (504) 822-1111. Crimestoppers provides an ID number to the caller for follow-up communication.

Anyone calling in a tip will remain anonymous. Should an arrest and indictment occur based on the tip, a reward of up to $2,500 is given in cash, and up to $5,000 for arrest and indictment on homicide (some reward amounts may be increased).

Crimestoppers is separate from the police. Being anonymous, they do not ask for names of those providing information. They follow international guidelines and have proven track records: there are no cases of retaliation and won’t be as long as the caller doesn’t tell others. 

• Donations can be added to the reward amount to increase case exposure (called Supplemental Rewards). If no arrest is made within a particular timeframe, the additional reward donation will be returned with a small administrative fee removed.

LOGISTICAL/LEGAL MATTERS

Refer to Estate & Civil Legal Matters for more information.

It is likely you will need to address logistical issues including: 

• Checking and Savings Accounts

• Credit card companies

• Retirement Accounts

• Loans

• Safe Deposit Box

• Monitor the mail

• Real estate

• Homeowners insurance

• Automobile

• Auto insurance

• IRS

• Social security

• Medicare

• Funeral and life insurance

• Legal Assistance

Click here for more information on Civil Legal Matters. 

Click here for more information on Legal Assistance.

TRIBAL RESOURCES

American Indian and Alaska Native (AI/AN) communities have some of the highest crime victimization rates in the nation, yet they often face additional barriers to connecting with helpful services. Privacy, safety concerns, and fears of cultural stigmatization, especially in small communities, may prevent survivors from seeking help.

Below are some helpful online resources:

• The Office for Victims of Crime’s Tribal Resource Tool. You can search by location for resources available to AI/AN victim-survivors of violent crime.

• StrongHearts Native Helpline offers support for AI/AN survivors of domestic, dating, and sexual violence. Visit the website or call 1 (844) 762-8483.

IMMIGRATION HELP

Many barriers exist for individuals who have recently arrived in the United States, those who are undocumented, and those who do not speak English as their first language.

• The U non-immigrant  status (U visa) is set aside for victims of certain crimes who have suffered mental or physical abuse, and are helpful to law enforcement or government officials in the investigation or prosecution of criminal activity.

• The T non-immigrant status (T visa) is available to those who are or have been victims of a severe form of trafficking and assist law enforcement in the detection, investigation, or prosecution of acts of trafficking.

• These applications are usually submitted by a legal representative to the NOPD, and certification is done by NOPD’s Investigative Services Bureau (ISB). All applications must be approved by the Deputy Chief of ISB. If a case is referred to the DA’s office, it must be certified by the NOPD Chief of Staff. The applicant must show compliance and cooperation with the process. Please note that an application for either visa does not guarantee it being given.

Local groups supporting the immigrant community: Familias Unidas, Unión Migrante, LORI, ISLA, Free Alas, Project Ishmael, and VIET; others also offer multilingual services. 

Refer to Resources and look for “S” for Spanish, “V” for Vietnamese, and “AR” for Arabic.

Initial Survivor Services

This general section includes some agencies you may come into contact with directly after a crime. Refer to Types of Violence for more detailed contacts.

Official organizations that offer help include the NOPD, the District Attorney’s office, Chaplains, the Sheriff’s office, and Coroner’s office.

NOPD VICTIM WITNESS ASSISTANCE UNIT

Currently, the NOPD has a team of advocates assigned to the Victim Witness Assistance Unit, which includes social workers located at police headquarters and also at the 5th, 6th and 7th district police stations.

• This Unit should inform you of your rights as a victim, answer questions you may have, and help prepare you for what’s to come.

• They can make referrals, and inform you of updates on an investigation.

• They should also provide you with forms to fill out, such as the Louisiana Victim Notice and Registration Form. You can also register online with Louisiana Vine, which provides notifications on the custody status of people who are incarcerated/in prison. Visit our Guide to Custody Status Notifications for more information.

• They also have forms for Crime Victims Reparations (that are processed through the Sheriff’s Office). Visit our Guide to Crime Victims Reparations for more information.

• This is a copy of the Victim-Witness Brochure that NOPD should provide to you: Victim Witness Brochure

VICTIM AND WITNESS RELOCATIONS

If there is a credible and immediate serious threat to a family member or witness’s life, as agreed to by the lead detective and his/her supervisor, they may recommend relocation.

Further, if a detective is able to establish that there is victim or witness intimidation or threats, the detective can submit an additional arrest warrant for such a crime.

The detective and NOPD Victim Witness Unit will assist in making a safety assessment. They are committed to helping victims and/or witnesses locate safe options. If an arrest has been made, the DA’s Victim Witness staff may address this.

Witnesses and family are expected to be active participants in their own safety plan. In some cases, certain family and witnesses cannot go back to their neighborhood and should not tell others of their whereabouts.

The Louisiana Secretary of State administers Louisiana's Address Confidentiality Program which provides relocated victims of abuse, sexual assault, or stalking, with a substitute address to prevent an assailant from finding the location of a victim through public records.

• Call (800) 825-3805 or (225) 925-4792

• Visit the website: www.sos.la.gov/OurOffice/AddressConfidentialityProgram/Pages/default.aspx

We also have a section with Housing Resources if you are in need of immediate shelter. Refer to our Types of Crime section for more information specific to Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence.

SHERIFF’S OFFICE

This office processes the forms for the Emergency Award and Crime Victims Reparations.

After an arrest, the Sheriff at the Orleans Justice Center (formerly Orleans Parish Prison) books suspects: fingerprints, picture taken, personal information obtained.

CHAPLAINS

It is extremely helpful to have the services of a chaplain when you are in crisis after suffering a trauma. There are four full-time chaplains and one chaplain director assigned to the NOPD, available 24/7.

• To request the services of one of these chaplains, you may call (504) 715-7801 or contact your nearest police station at any time.

These professional chaplains, employed by Baptist Community Ministries, receive intensive training equivalent to a doctoral degree. As an interfaith group, they make thousands of contacts with people in need, and are experienced and sensitive to the emotional and spiritual needs of those to whom they minister.

CORONER’S OFFICE

The Coroner’s Office sends an advocate to help assist the families at the scene of a homicide.

VICTIM WITNESS ASSISTANCE PROGRAM (DISTRICT ATTORNEY)

They become involved in assisting victims/survivors after an arrest is made.

IN THE EVENT OF PHYSICAL INJURY

The mental trauma resulting from a violent crime is difficult enough to process, and dealing with physical injuries can seem overwhelming. Consider asking a level-headed friend to act as your medical advocate. It may be too difficult for you or close family members to focus on tasks required for your medical care.

Ways a medical advocate can help:

• Keep track of your doctors and keep track of appointments.

• Schedule any future appointments and provide transportation.

• Keep track of your prescriptions, pick up your medications, and write down any medication schedules.

• Ask your insurance company (if applicable) to assign a medical case manager.

• Keep medical bills and expenses organized, and keep copies of all checks or credit card payments out of pocket expenses (or take a quick photo with your phone). This is crucial in order to apply for Crime Victim Reparations.

Mental Health & Grieving

This section covers mental health issues you may experience and other items related to grief. Visit our Support Groups section for New Orleans area groups.

Call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

See Mental Health Crisis Resources at the end of this section for more information. 

REACTIONS AFTER VIOLENCE:

Events that are sudden, that involve violence, or significant loss or harm, can leave us in shock and despair, or cause extreme mental anguish or deep depression. They violate our sense of order and shatter our experience of safety. There are times you may feel utterly alone, or that no one will ever understand the depth of your grief, torment, and pain. It can feel like you’re falling apart and that nothing is the same — your “normal” world is gone, and feeling scared, paranoid, discouraged, unfocused, angry and/or depressed are understandable responses to being deeply traumatized.

Some call this the “new normal,” and it will take time to adjust. It’s a roller coaster, and you will have both good and bad days, even while you proceed with regular activities, which may feel as if you are just going through the motions. You only need to face one day at a time, or even one moment at a time. Allow space for mourning, adjusting, and resting. Self-care is critical, both physically and emotionally — you are dealing with an abnormal situation and possibly dealing with physical injuries and/or the sudden loss of your loved one(s), and/or having witnessed violent trauma.

Grief has no time frame, and no two people grieve the same way or for the same length of time. No one can tell you how to grieve, so don’t let others push you.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross noted that people going through loss experience five stages of grieving. You may have noticed yourself going through some of these if you were here during and after the catastrophes of Hurricane Katrina or Ida, other nearby disasters, during the Covid-19 pandemic, or the Bourbon St. terror attack. These stages have no particular order and can happen at the same time, but acceptance usually takes place last:

1. Denial (“This isn’t happening to me!”)

2. Anger (“Why is this happening to me?”)

3. Bargaining (“I promise I’ll be a better person if…”)

4. Depression (“I don’t care anymore.”)

5. Acceptance (“I’m surviving and dealing with whatever comes.”)

EMOTIONAL CONSIDERATIONS

You may feel isolated from family and friends — as if no one understands, because while your world feels shattered, they are going about their business. You may feel fury if people say insensitive things. Try to be around sensitive, supportive, respectful people — those who can hear you out, who respond caringly, who can help you with major decisions, and who will hold space with you.

You may feel a push-pull being around others. Not everyone or every situation will fit what you need, so say “no” when appropriate. Be fair to yourself and don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to take on too much too soon. Focus on what you need, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from trusted friends, family, and allies. You can make a list of necessary tasks and try to match them to those in your life who have specific skills (See the list under Get a Support System Going). You may also realize you need a listening ear, and for this common issue, support and grief groups can be very helpful (See New Orleans area groups in our Support Groups section). 

Other feelings that are commonly felt include:

• Guilt — this may involve blaming yourself for whatever happened in your situation, often as an outlet for your frustration. It is useful to change your words here. Instead of “guilt” (as if you did something bad on purpose) try “sorrow” or “regret” (wishing you had been able to do something). Try to let go of the guilt: It lifts so much off of you to do so.

• Exhaustion — this can make you feel overwhelmed and disoriented, have a hard time making decisions, or feel jumpy or easily startled.

• Suicidal thoughts — when it seems like it’s the only way to stop the pain, you may wish you weren’t alive because the reality is so unbearable.

• An obsession to go back in time and change the outcome, and fixate about what happened and what you could have done to prevent it, which carves the pain inside you again and again.

I had planned to call James around the time he was killed. I became obsessed with thinking I could have prevented the events, and was riddled with guilt that I hadn’t called. It was hard for me, but I had to remember that what happened wasn’t my fault.

- Rose preston

• Numbness — this is a way for the emotions to catch up to what the mind is trying to process. Shock is like an anesthetic, protecting you from what is so hard and painful to believe, as if you are a robot living in a trance. Some people find it hard to cry and feel sadness, but this is often the protective shield of shock. Tears can be a helpful and safe way to physically express and discharge the pain. Men and women also may grieve differently, as often our cultures can condition us in what is an acceptable expression of grief. 

Addressing your feelings of trauma, sooner rather than later, can also help. Some lifelines you may consider to navigate this new space include individual treatment with a professional (therapist, psychiatrist, etc.), or speaking with clergy or a wise friend.

In seeking professional help, try to be persistent in finding the “right fit” for you. You may prefer in-person therapy, virtual, or some blend. Psychology Today lists profiles of private therapists in your zip code, showing their specialties, insurance accepted, and fees, and most offer a short free consult. Visit our Resources section and look for assistance under “Mental Health” for more information. A state program, Crime Victims Reparations’/Compensation (CVR/CVC), may later reimburse some of your treatment, but this may take time, and you typically have to pay the costs upfront.

Many find that grief and support groups are very beneficial and can help you feel that you’re not alone and in a caring community. Groups can be led by a counselor or peer-led (by others with lived experience), and they consist of other people struggling to come to terms with their own losses or traumatic experiences.

The word “compassion” means “to suffer with,” and many find they can grieve more easily in support groups, with an absence of judgment. If possible, try out a few before deciding which is the best fit for you. Given that there are waiting lists for some clinics and individual therapy options, grief or support groups can offer a productive space to help you face unavoidable challenges, and they are usually free. It is fine to just listen, or you can choose to share, but you might find others can offer important insights, or simply provide kindness and sympathy.

Your values and beliefs may be challenged and/or deepened — you might feel cynical or betrayed by your faith — or you may find that your faith is what gets you through. It can be a struggle to find meaning and purpose in your life. It is common to feel guilt and to obsess over what you think you could have done differently — only to doubt yourself or blame yourself for any setbacks (which are inevitable), including things over which you have no control, and further, to feel wrong for experiencing any happiness or laughter.

I was very cynical about religious healing, but have come to find a spiritual peace after a long time.

- Rose preston

Vengeful and obsessive thoughts and impulses can be alarming. It’s important to remember that this is the dark side of human nature. Your anger is valid, and some negative thoughts are accurate (but not all) — be aware of not letting it misguide or dominate your energies.

Safe places to vent are important. Many people are raised to not express their rage. In a safe, contained space it can be helpful to release this energy (like screaming or punching into a pillow, yelling in the shower, in a stationary car, with a counselor, or through dance, drumming, writing, or art). Get help if you’re concerned about acting out your rage, or if you suspect someone may act on their desire for vengeance (See Office of Violence Prevention Programs).

I would sometimes sit in my car and scream, or punch pillows and scream into them (I still find this a useful way to discharge any pent up feelings).

- Rose preston

At times, you may feel numb and disconnected; this is often the protective shield of shock. It is common to isolate, to want to hide from life. Releasing your tears can help to affirm and acknowledge your pain; it is nature’s way of soothing.

It’s hard to avoid intensely desperate and dark thoughts that may be constantly intruding. If you feel you can’t trust yourself, immediately reach out to a trusted mental health professional or call 988.

As you move forward you may find that certain things are triggering — anniversaries, insensitive remarks, media, delays in the investigation process, or court proceedings. Be gentle with yourself when this happens and seek support from those you trust, and/or go find a safe way to vent. If some old traditions make you too sad, allow for new meaningful traditions.

Sometimes you may feel doubted or blamed, or that you have a stigma attached to you because of your closeness to violence. This may arise from people wanting to distance themselves from the horror involved, and/or from their own limitations, fears, and ignorance. Yet we know that stigma impacts self-esteem, and no one wants to feel labeled or judged at a time of so much emotional heavy lifting. Keep these kinds of people at arm’s length, or further away. Insist your feelings are respected.

 At a later time, some people choose to engage in Restorative Justice, a completely voluntary process which can include a victim-offender dialogue, and is led by trained professionals. An alternative to the traditional justice system, Restorative Justice centers humanity and ensures the survivor has a voice. Organizations that can help with this include Community Mediation Services, the Center for Restorative Approaches, and Beyond Harm. Refer to our Restorative Justice section to learn more.

PHYSICAL CONSIDERATIONS

Emotional trauma and grief can put great stress on the body. You may experience physical symptoms related to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), including:

• Anxiety attacks

• Weeping fits

• Fatigue, exhaustion, lack of energy

• Heart palpitations, stomach pains, shortness of breath, jaw/teeth clenching, and tightness in the throat and chest

• Sleep disturbances and/or nightmares

• Lack of concentration

• Panic attacks, sweating, or chills

• Flashbacks

• Memory lapses

• Lack of appetite

Reach out to medical and mental health professionals who can offer help using therapy, medication, and/or other approaches. Visit our Resources section and look for assistance under “Medical Health” and “Mental Health”.

Medication may provide some relief, such as for depression, anxiety or sleeplessness – and then again, it may not be something you like or want – but keep your options open for different times of your experience. It is easy to get addicted to some medication, and with others, it is important to get off them slowly. Not taking care of yourself and your health can take a toll later on. Do your best to be good to yourself.

Please see the next section on “Helpful Tools” for ideas that can help you with healthy physical relief and/or release.

In trauma, we feel desperate to avoid the pain, putting us at risk for dependency issues. These can include “self-medicating” with the use of drugs, alcohol, food, sex, work, shopping, gambling, etc. to cope with trauma. While it is understandable that you might want to escape and feel numb, in the long run this may create a difficult addiction that could negatively impact your life. If you are looking for help with substance use or dependency:

• Find a trusted person to confide in (e.g. counselor, pastor, friend).

• There are many programs that provide help with addictions (see Resources). In addition, there are also free 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (or Narcotics, Gamblers, Crystal Meth, Cocaine, Overeaters, and many more), where fellow addicts share their experience, strength and hope; Alanon is for family members of addicts. Another similar recovery group is called Refuge Recovery, which is Buddhist and non-religious.

• Consider professional help if an addiction(s), depression/anxiety, or physical symptom(s) are significantly impacting your life. A state program, Crime Victims Reparations’/Compensation (CVR/CVC), may reimburse some treatment.

I know this because I was myself plunged into this dark side, and it was hard to get out.

- Rose preston

SOME HELPFUL TOOLS

Say: “STOP” out loud, and raise your hand, if you keep repeating negative or obsessive thoughts. Replace the thoughts with a positive memory. You may have to do this many times, but eventually you can train yourself to respond more quickly.

It’s okay to say “no.” You don’t have to please others now.

Challenge your thoughts: for example, replace “I want to disappear” with “I’m going through a horrible time but I will pull through it, and my life is not over.”

Meditation and breathwork are other ways to help quiet agitated and anxious thoughts. You can find guided meditations on Youtube, or there are free apps you can download onto your phone, or libraries have meditation CDs you may borrow. If you are seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, ask them about any sessions they know of that you could attend.

Take a few minutes to breathe deeply. Breathe in through your nose and let your stomach expand; tell yourself you are breathing in strength and hope, or whatever you need. Breathe out through your mouth and let your stomach fold in; tell yourself you are breathing out negative things. Consider a simple box breathing exercise: sit comfortably upright, close your eyes (optional), breathe in for five seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 5, hold for 5, and inhale, repeating this pattern three times.

You might consider journaling your feelings: Dr. Daniel Siegel said, “If you can name it, you can tame it.” Words act as containers for overwhelming emotions. Even the search for words to describe your feelings can help calm and focus your brain during this chaotic time. Activities like listening to or creating music, gardening, or cooking, may make you feel connected or grounded. Some find it helpful having supportive notes or sayings — e.g. “I’m doing the best I can,” or “I’m living moment to moment, and that’s OK right now,” or “I will remember to HALT if I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.”

Expressive arts (like dance, art, poetry, theater, music, etc) can help give shape to your pain and release your energy flow.

Eat 6 small meals a day to keep your blood sugar stable. If you have no appetite, drink smoothies, yogurt, or vegetable juices. Eat richly colored foods and avoid too many white foods (fries, bread, pasta). Take a multi-vitamin. Aim to get 20 minutes each of sunlight and exercise a day.

It’s helpful to get healthy physical release (e.g., running, walking, martial arts, boxing, body work, punching or screaming into a pillow, dancing, drumming). Some report that self-defense classes have helped build confidence and release tension. Others find relief from breathwork, tapping, meditation, prayer, aromatherapy and massage, in various artistic expressions (painting, music, sewing, etc.), or in volunteer work (walking shelter dogs, visiting hospitals or elder care facilities).

Body therapies can help you feel more grounded — massage, acupuncture, yoga, or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, that involves using eye movement to stimulate the brain). These methods may offer relief from trauma and flashbacks.

Sometimes taking a moment for yourself is important. Consider making time for reflecting and releasing emotions that feel trapped inside — including joy, which can understandably get sidelined.

Manage your time. Don’t force yourself to move faster than you are able. Be selfish with your time in order to look after yourself. Can you cut back on something? Ask for help? Accepting help is an act of courage, not weakness.

Make a to-do list, and focus on what’s most important. It helps you actively decide what you need, rather than being helpless and passive. But be fair to yourself and don’t set yourself up for failure.

Sometimes having set phone times to talk to various friends is a help, especially at times of day that you find challenging.

Many people have said prayer helped them through.

My prayers were often angry rages at God or the universe; this was part of my necessary expression at that time.

- Rose preston

Watch a funny movie or TV show, or listen to something uplifting — sometimes escaping the darkness helps lessen the feelings of guilt, sorrow, anger or defeat.

You might find relief in reading books and visiting websites on how to cope with your trauma and grief. There are some grief workbooks that can be of help. Bookstores and libraries also have helpful materials. There are many podcasts and YouTube videos that offer meaningful support.

Another helpful activity is to volunteer or develop a hobby. Doing something to assist others helps take focus off your pain and gives meaning. Do something you enjoy, for example: community gardening, hospital visits, walking dogs at the pound, or being a Court Watch volunteer.

A powerful tool is a writing exercise called a letter of completion: a letter from you to your loved one, or to the person who committed the harm, or to someone significant. In it, you can say all the things you wish you had said or still wish to say. (Of course you can think and reflect on these things rather than writing them out, if you prefer.) 

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Dear _______,

There are some things I need to tell you. 

Some memories of our history together are: ____________

The things I admire(d) about you are: ____________

What I want you to know is: ____________

I want you to forgive me for: ____________

I forgive you for: ____________

You enrich(ed) my life by: ____________

I love you. Good-bye.

Some people have written a letter of forgiveness to the person who caused harm — this does not mean the crime was excusable, or that the forgiveness is total. The reason is to help release the survivor from being consumed with hatred or despair — someone said it was to stop the individual from having the last word in their story. It may take time to get to such a place, and of course the letter doesn’t have to be sent. Look online for examples of this. Louisiana also has an Accountability Letter Program.

TOOLS FOR COPING AFTER HOMICIDE

It can be healing to collect mementos of your loved one, things that were meaningful to them, and make a scrapbook or put in a special keepsake box. In it you can put photos, letters they wrote, letters written to them, mementos of accomplishments, and/or inspirational quotes.

Invite friends to share their memories of your loved one. For example, someone gave friends and family each a sheet of paper for them to write down their favorite memories, and then put this in their scrapbook. Don’t be afraid to let people know this is what you need from them. Or you can write down stories you’ve heard others share about your loved one. Treasuring such memories is a powerful way to remember and honor them, and is a healing part of your mourning.

You or a knowledgeable friend could make a website dedicated to your loved one, or dedicate a page to them on Facebook or Instagram.

Having an area to remember your loved one is another way to grieve as well as honor the memory of them. You can light a candle as a way to express their presence, put up favorite photos, display items that they loved, or plant flowers. One person painted her house inside and out with inspirational drawings in memory of her loved one. Others made a memorial garden in honor of their son — a place to have quiet meditation where they could “talk” to him and remember him. A woman made a collage using her son’s favorite t-shirts to remember him.

I kept a lock of James’ hair and his glasses, and treasure various notes he wrote.

- Rose preston

On special occasions, a family would write messages on balloons to their loved one, then release them into the sky (try to get eco-friendly balloons).

It is natural to have questions about what your loved one felt and whether there was any suffering. This is not morbid or crazy. Talk to someone qualified to answer (a doctor or mental health professional), because dwelling on theories is not helpful. It is often reported that people under attack go into a numb and detached state.

Refer to our section on Homicide for more information.

DEALING WITH FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES

Sometimes the thing we need most from family and friends is someone who will listen — more than someone who gives advice or philosophy. Surround yourself with understanding people (especially ones who have experienced loss or harm and have a helpful outlook), and lean on their sense of hope, faith or sanity.

• Seek out people who allow you to talk as much as you need to about your grief or trauma — and who won’t be critical of your feelings, and who won’t be impatient with you. Equally, if you don’t feel like talking, it’s perfectly acceptable to say that you’re not ready, or not in the headspace to share at that moment.

If friends no longer understand you or seem to avoid you, remember they have their own fears and limitations. Also, you have new needs now and may need new friends. You may feel abandoned, but not everyone is as sensitive or mature as you’d like them to be in serious matters. Often people who haven’t suffered significant loss don’t understand this level of pain.

You may feel isolated from family and friends — as if no one understands, because while your world feels shattered, they are going about their business. Remind them that you need someone who will listen and care. Again, grief and support groups can be very helpful.

People can react to trauma very differently. Psychotherapist Esther Perel has observed that some people become basically not dead, while other people are alive — that is, some people simply survive, while others learn to thrive again. A person might sink into being dejected and gloomy — telling themselves they won’t let themselves enjoy anything, because if they experience pleasure, it means they don’t care, or they’re not on guard, or it means they’re not watching for the next danger. And on the opposite side of the scale are some people who decide to take on life like a reckoning, and to live it at every moment. You may find yourself more at one end of these poles, moving back and forth.

Hurt people tend to hurt people. Sadly, it’s often the people closest to us who face the brunt of our upset, and they too may not know how to handle this well. After any incident, consider reaching out later and explaining some of your challenges. Yet also remember you need to protect yourself from being activated or triggered by people (including those close to you), places, and things.

Sometimes people will say insensitive things. You have the right to grieve — indeed, your healing depends on it — so don’t allow others to push you into doing or feeling things you don’t want to.

When I first went to the gravesite with two relatives of my husband, I was overcome with emotion and sobbing, and one of them said to me, “Crying won’t bring him back.” I was taken aback by her insensitivity and left speechless. Luckily the other relative said a helpful thing: “When there has been great love, there will be great mourning” — a comment I still use if I feel others are limiting necessary grieving, and because I think it is simply true.

- Rose preston

As time goes on, some people will continue to say tactless things, believing they are being helpful (such as, “Your loved one will want you to move on”). A good response is, “I have to do this my way.” Try not to take your frustration and anguish out on this person. Depending on how well you know him or her, you can simply thank them and move on. If someone says something like: “Your loved one is in a better place,” you might respond with: “I just find that point of view difficult to accept and I don’t have the strength to argue it with you. But I want you to know I appreciate your desire to comfort me.” If someone persists in hurtful comments, tell them as simply as you can that it’s not helping, or ask someone else to gently let them know.

Distance yourself from people who bring you down. There are some people who seem to get off on finding out the gruesome details. Avoid them — they’re not there to help you, they’re just emotional vampires.

Sometimes you may feel doubted or blamed, or that you have a stigma attached to you because of your closeness to violence. This may arise from people wanting to distance themselves from the horror involved, and/or from their own limitations, fears, and ignorance. Yet we know that stigma impacts self-esteem, and no one wants to feel labeled or judged at a time of so much emotional heavy lifting. Keep these kinds of people at arm’s length, or further away. Insist your feelings are respected.

If people ask how you are doing, you can use or adapt a comment like this: “Other than being overwhelmed (or tired, or sad, or infuriated) I’m managing (or breathing, or surviving). Thanks for checking in.” It helps to acknowledge people who reach out, while protecting your energy and privacy during such a difficult time. With some, you may need boundaries of what and how much you share.

GOING BACK TO WORK

Your grief may affect your productivity at work, since you are not the person you were — but for some people, the routine of work is a help to take their mind off their shock and pain.

See “Time Off From Work and Returning” in our Practical Matters section for more information.

SPECIAL EVENTS AND ANNIVERSARIES

Anniversaries, like birthdays and holidays, can be triggering as well as being painful reminders, especially the first year anniversary. It can help to have a plan on how to deal with these “firsts.” Some people like to spend the time alone, or in a special place, or be with loving friends and family. If a homicide has occurred, you may want someone to be with you if you go to the gravesite, but you also may want to be alone. An assault survivor may want to have a support system in place for these difficult anniversaries. 

I rescued a little dog and decided to make his birthday the same as my late husband’s; in this way I was reminded to celebrate James’ life.

- Rose preston

If an event occurs near an anniversary like a birthday or holiday, and you do not want to attend, don’t let anyone make you do so. If you decide to go, ask to be seated somewhere where you can leave without creating a fuss if it’s just too much. People will understand and are often grateful that you came at all. 

If some old traditions make you too sad, allow for new meaningful traditions.

SIGNS AND MYSTICAL CONNECTIONS

Be open to unusual experiences — especially if it brings comfort. Many people report having symbolic experiences — whether it is with sensations, or seeing vistas, or via animals, or in other ways, including:

• Sensing a presence

• Hearing a voice

• Feeling a touch

• Smell (one family would smell their late son’s stinky feet!)

• Visual (like the shape of a body, or a symbolic cloud shape, or sudden appearance of light in the sky)

• Electronic equipment turning on or off

• Dreams (some comforting, others puzzling, disturbing, or sad). Being in a relaxed state tends to help these connections occur.

Right after the murders, I kept on seeing a certain neighborhood cat whenever I was dealing with important decisions. I found this reassuring, as if James’ spirit was with me through the cat.

- Rose preston

MAKING MAJOR DECISIONS

Be cautious: Unless they are for reasons of personal safety, try to avoid taking on decisions you’re not ready to deal with for about the first year or more. Decisions that leave room for a change of heart are best. Don’t let others push you into something that doesn’t feel right.

• Avoid impulsive decisions. For example, do not sell a house or be convinced to transfer large amounts of money. See Civil Legal Matters for more information on managing assets and other responsibilities.

• If homicide was involved, consider taking your time to give away possessions. However, if it is too painful to see the reminders, ask some friends to help you pack up the items and store them somewhere safe.

• At some point, when you feel ready to share certain items, they can be a way to give others a keepsake that is meaningful. Or you might want to donate them to a charity.

My husband’s major possessions were books. I kept certain books that we had enjoyed together. I donated other books to the university where we had met and which suffered flood damage, and gave the remainders to friends who could choose what they liked. It took me years to get to this point.

- Rose preston

MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS RESOURCES

• In an immediate crisis where there is a danger to an individual or others, call 911. If you call 911 in New Orleans for a non-violent mental health emergency, you may be routed to the Mobile Crisis Intervention Unit (MCIU), which deploys mental health professionals who will provide immediate support.

• The Metropolitan Human Services District has a 24/7 mental health crisis line: 1 (844) 568-6473.

• Call, text, or chat the 988 Lifeline to connect with a live counselor who will listen to you and share resources.

• If someone is believed to be a danger to themselves or others, an individual (“credible person”), law enforcement officer, or certain physicians can issue a statement resulting in an Order for Protective Custody (lasting up to 72 hours) to involuntarily transport the person for evaluation. An Emergency Certificate can be issued by a physician, law enforcement officer, judge, or coroner, to keep the person in custody for up to 15 days. For more information, see Louisiana Revised Statutes La. R.S. 28:53.

Helping Children Cope

This brief section outlines issues that may impact children who experience or witness violence.

Sometimes people  think  that  children,  especially  when  young, don’t have lasting reactions to trauma, but experts tell us this is not true. For example, children from birth to 5 years of age can experience traumatic stress, some of which comes from reading and feeling the emotions of the adults caring for them.

• Children and youth who live in New Orleans have high rates of exposure to violence. A recent study in New Orleans found a quarter of middle-school children had depression (with twice as many girls as boys), while a third of the same group suffered from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Over 29% reported they had seen assaults and 14% reported they had witnessed homicides. Over half said they were more worried about “personal safety” than “being unloved.” They are hurting.

• Much of a particular child’s reaction will depend on various things, such as prior violence exposure, prior mental health issues they might have, prior abuse they’ve endured, and how they perceive the event (did they see it happen, was it a close relative, etc) – in such cases, it is more likely that a child will experience traumatic stress and the symptoms will persist longer.

• If untreated, symptoms can lead to problems with behavior, depression, academics, family and peer relationships, and to more serious problems such as substance abuse, violence and committing crimes. Remember that: difficult feelings = difficult behavior. When kids don’t feel well, they do not act well.

• Refer to the resources on this page and in our larger RESOURCES section for a listing of local professionals who work with children who have experienced trauma.

HOW CHILDREN REACT TO TRAUMAS

Fear and anxiety: Children may worry that the trauma will happen again, or that they will be left alone. Make sure the child feels physically and emotionally safe. Be sure to leave them with trusted people if you are not there, and let them know when you will return; one suggestion is to leave something personal of yours with the child.

They may experience nightmares or fear darkness. If a child mentions suicidality, seek professional help immediately.

Childish behavior: Children may act younger than their age. They might begin bedwetting or thumb sucking, and become clingy or afraid. Children don’t want to act immature, but their anxiety might disturb their normal behavior. They may also act out as a way of expressing their feelings, especially if they don’t have the language or feeling words to express themselves.

Physical reactions: Like adults, many children may experience stomachaches, headaches, nausea, and/or eating problems. Certain sounds might trigger a response of fear.

Concentration problems: Many children become easily distracted, and feel confused and inattentive. Symptoms of trauma and ADHD look similar.

Understanding death: Pre-school children may not realize death is permanent, and might wish for the person’s return. You might explain facts like the person is no longer breathing or moving, isn’t hungry or thirsty, and isn’t feeling pain or fear. Whatever the age of the child, you can let them know that even if the person has died, you can still love them and think about them.

• Find ways to honor the person the child has lost, e.g. make a memory box.

• Avoid expressions or words that might confuse and frighten them. For example, saying someone has “gone to sleep” rather than “died” might make a child scared to go to bed. If a child feels they are being punished because of the trauma, s/he may feel frightened and threatened.

• You can decide if the child should attend funeral services; sometimes being kept away could be harder on them, even if the services are distressing. If they attend, let them know what to expect and how you and others may react. If they don’t attend, arrange for them to be with someone special.

FAMILY ROUTINES

Try to keep meals, activities, and bedtimes as close to normal as possible, so children feel more secure and in control. Whenever possible, children should stay with people with whom they feel both familiar and safe. Familiar routines, like bedtime stories, prayers, or songs, may help restore hope.

• You can also start new family routines, like lighting a candle for your loved one, or saying special prayers, or sharing memories regular basis, or writing notes on special occasions, or a memory box of things that remind the family of the loved one they have lost.

SPECIAL NEEDS

A traumatized child may be more dependent on you for some time after a trauma has occurred. This might include not wanting to sleep alone, having the light left on, being hugged or held more than usual, returning to a favorite toy or blanket, or not wanting to be social. It is okay to provide these types of comfort to the child, and the child’s need for these things should decrease over time.

• Let personnel and schoolteachers at the child’s school know what has happened so they can make any necessary plans to help the child. Also speak to parents or caretakers of your child’s friends.

TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

Like adults, children express their feelings in different ways. Some will be numb, withdrawn, and unable to talk about the event. Others will have sudden spurts of anger or sadness about the event and then act as if nothing has happened. Others might express themselves nonverbally through art, play, or activities. They may show big emotions and have more temper tantrums. Let them know it is ok to be angry, but it is not ok to hurt themselves or others.

Let them know you’re also hurting and express your own mourning and grief. Be sure to support their emotions.

• Don’t force them to talk about their feelings, but do listen to them even if their feelings are different to yours. Make sure you are patient with them; we all grieve at our own pace. Let them talk repeatedly about the same things as much as they need and keep responding to them each time with kindness.

• They may play out a scene with toys. When a child does this, they are often trying to make sense of what happened and process their grief, sadness, anger and confusion. Play is their language, and toys are seen as their words (play therapy). Play with them and go along with their play, even if it is shocking to hear or see.

• Give honest, simple answers to their questions, and make sure they understand your answers. It’s okay to say that you don’t know the answer to a question they may have.

There are helpful psychological tools being used to aid children. Places like the Children’s Bureau and Children’s Hospital Trauma and Grief Center (TAG) can provide free advice and counseling to help you better support the child in question. You can also reach out to University Medical Center’s Trauma Recovery Center. All of these resources are in New Orleans. Additionally, groups like the Coalition for Compassionate Schools are working to better support and educate teachers about how trauma impacts children’s behavior, so they know how to respond to the effects of trauma in the classroom.

• There are some excellent online blogs and videos that are hosted by children and teens talking about difficult issues, including: bullying, abuse, safety, relationships, social anxiety, and related issues. An example is www.childline.org.uk which links to: Info and advice, and videos under Toolbox.

• Here is a website to help you with how to discuss high profile acts of violence with children Talking to Children about Mass Violence | The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

A Section for Friends

This section includes information on how to support a friend or family member who has been through a violent trauma.

HELPING YOUR FRIEND IN MOURNING

Your friend or family member who is in mourning will have different needs at different stages. In the beginning the person may need practical help, such as answering the phone, doing errands, answering sympathy notes, or contacting agencies.

Your emotional support might not reach them initially, but it is helpful to be there to listen to them. Try not to rush them through their mourning process, or to deny their pain—it sends a signal that you are rejecting their grief and delays their progress in working through the loss. Fully grieving is necessary and healthy, and sometimes for a mourner’s friends, this means listening to the same thoughts over and over. Ask yourself: “What would I want under the same circumstances?” and try to be sensitive.

Don’t assume your friend is taking it well when he or she seems calm; this may really be the numbness of shock. Also don’t be surprised by the intensity of his or her feelings, and how many emotions s/he expresses, such as confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, fury, depression, and sadness. Mourners may ask questions like “why” without expecting you to have a rational answer – what they are really searching for is meaning.

Be proactive: rather than telling your friend you’ll be available if they want to contact you, it’s more helpful if you suggest some specific times you can stop by – or be spontaneous and call them on the spur of the moment to do something. You can stop by to bring over a treat to eat, or a light movie to watch, or take them out for a walk.

• Often there’s a rush of friends stopping by in the first days or weeks, and then the contact dwindles or stops. It is helpful to keep a steady, even if periodic, contact with your friend, at intervals that feel appropriate.

WHAT TO SAY, WHAT TO AVOID SAYING

Sometimes the very comment meant to help the bereaved will cause more pain. Here are a few phrases that may offer comfort to someone grieving, and some to avoid:

Say: I’m so sorry. Avoid: I understand how you feel.

Say: I’ll call you tomorrow. Avoid: Call me when I can help.

Say: I’m sad for you. Avoid: Death was a blessing.

Say: How are you doing with all this? Avoid: It was God’s will.

Say: I don’t know why it happened. Avoid: It all happened for a reason.

Say: I’m here and I want to listen. Avoid: You have your whole life ahead of you.

Say: Please tell me how you’re feeling. Avoid: You’ll feel worse before you feel better.

Say: This must be hard for you. Avoid: You can have other children.

Say: This must be painful to be going through. Avoid: You’ll be strengthened by this.

Say: What’s the hardest part for you? Avoid: You can always remarry.

Say: You must really be hurting. Avoid: Something good will come out of this.

Say: Take all the time you need. Avoid: It’s time to put it behind you.

Say: Thank you for sharing your feelings. Avoid: Be strong for the children/others.

Say: Let your feelings out; I may cry too. Avoid: Crying won’t bring them back.

Say: You will move forward in your own time. Avoid: It’s time for you to move on.

Say: What do you miss the most? Avoid: They’re in a better place.

Say: How do you feel, in your heart (or emotionally)? Avoid: You seem to be doing well.

FOR SURVIVORS OF ASSAULT

A survivor of a physical or sexual assault will likely be extremely sensitive to any suggestion that they are to blame for the assault; unfortunately, invasive questions about the circumstances around the crime often (even if not intended) can appear to assign blame to the survivor. Here are a few phrases that may offer comfort to a survivor, and some to avoid:

Say:

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Is there anything I can do to help you through this difficult time?

Avoid:

Where were you when it happened (what neighborhood)?

(Can make the survivor feel at fault for being in a particular area)

What time of day was it and/or were you paying attention?

(Can make the survivor feel at fault for the circumstances)

If that happened to me, I would have…(fled, harmed the attacker, etc.)

(Can make the survivor feel at fault for their particular response. The human brain controls our responses to trauma, and we have no control over whether our body chooses to fight, flight or freeze)

Crime Victims’ Compensation

This section describes a Louisiana state program to pay victim-survivors back for money they spent resulting from a violent crime (with restrictions). Other states also have these programs.

Click Here for our expanded guide to Louisiana’s Crime Victims’ Compensation Program.

The State of Louisiana has a special fund to financially assist a victim of crime (and/or family members), if eligible, for medical, funeral, lost wages, relocation, and other expenses. Monies come from federal funds, and state fines and fees (See La R.S. 46:1801). Each parish has a local representative you should contact to learn more. The Orleans Parish Sheriff’s Office handles this for Orleans Parish; you can call and make an appointment with the representative.

• Note: Act 684 (HB969) of the 2026 legislative session, sponsored by Rep. Wiley, changed the program’s name from “Crime Victims Reparations (CVR)” to “Crime Victims’ Compensation (CVC)”.

• Act 684 made other program changes, including expanding the application filing period from one year to three years after a crime, removing catastrophic property damage, and changing documentation requirements. These changes were not in effect at the time of printing but are noted in this section and will likely apply to crimes that happened after a specific date in 2026.

• Previously, in 2022, Act 487 incorporated changes for crimes that occurred after May 1, 2023, increasing the overall reimbursement cap, expanding documentation options, and compelling the board to favor partial awards rather than full denials.

The Sheriff’s Office (OPSO) handles applications for Orleans as the Parish Claims Investigator. For applications outside Orleans, refer to this website for contact information for your parish contact.

• Application assistance from criminal legal system advocates: NOPD’s Victim/Witness Unit if you reported the crime to police but there has not yet been an arrest, or the DA’s Victim/Witness Unit if you reported to police and there has already been an arrest.

• Assistance from community advocates: Homicide or firearm violence: SilenceIsViolence; homicide (funerals): Wake; DV or IPV: NOFJC; and sexual violence: STAR.

• You can find application forms online, or through your parish contact. Forms need to be submitted on a timely basis and are assessed on a case-by-case basis. Because a lot of documentation can be needed, you may want to contact the Claims Investigator or the other contacts above before trying to fill them out yourself.

General Info & Eligibility: The program is handled by the Louisiana Commission on Law Enforcement (LCLE). The crime must occur in Louisiana, or involve a Louisiana resident who becomes a victim in another state that does not have a similar program. Refer to Louisiana Revised Statutes La. R.S. 46:1805 or the CVR/CVC program website for more details about the program, summarized below:

Crimes that qualify: Crimes (including misdemeanors), where there is a use of force or threat of use of force, and result in personal injury (which can be mental or physical), or death. Human trafficking or sexually oriented criminal offenses are also eligible, as are vehicle related incidents which are considered crimes (intentional, hit and run, drivers fleeing law enforcement or impaired).

Who may not be eligible: Those who were incarcerated when the crime occurred or engaged in illegal activity at the time; an accomplice of the person who committed the crime; a victim whose own behavior contributed to the crime [in those cases benefits may be reduced or denied, but there is an appeals process].

Please note that CVR/CVC is a payer of last resort, meaning you must exhaust all other payment sources (e.g. insurance), and they will not pay back money that other sources have already paid.

• The program will only reimburse you for qualifying out-of-pocket expenses that have documentation.

• Applications can take months to process.

Filing your Forms: The application for reimbursement must be filed with LCLE within one year (2026 Act 684 increased this to 3 years), but exceptions can be made in some situations, for example, if the victim was not aware of or told about the program.

• For sexual assault applications, time limits for reporting and filing do not apply.

Emergency funds: You may be eligible for up to $1,000, if qualified.  The money should be paid out quickly (within a few weeks). You must fill out the forms on a timely basis.

Each case has an overall limit of $15,000 (or $25,000 if a permanent disability results from the crime).

Eligible expenses and current limits are listed below. The figures below are guidelines (not guarantees):

• Reasonable medical, prescription, and dental expenses (up to $15,000 for crimes after May 1, 2023; previous crimes $10,000). This includes Forensic Medical Exams or FMEs for sexual assault. Unlike other medical bills, bills for FME’s are sent directly from the hospitals to CVR, so the victim should NOT be billed.

• Mental health counseling (up to $2,500, but you can apply for an additional $2,500 with documentation).

• Funeral expenses (up to $6,500 for crimes occurring after May 1, 2023; previous crimes $5,000).

• Loss of earnings or support (up to $15,000 for crimes occurring after May 1, 2023; previous crimes $10,000).

• Childcare expenses (if they’ve increased due to the crime).

• Crime Scene cleanup (up to $2,500).

• Reasonable replacement costs (for items taken as evidence or made unusable as a result of the criminal investigation).

• Catastrophic property loss for an owned primary home destroyed by a criminal act (up to $15,000 for crimes occurring after May 1, 2023; previous crimes $10,000). Note: Catastrophic property loss was removed in 2026 by Act 684, so these claims will no longer be eligible.

• Relocation (up to $5,000 per head of household).

• Total claim limit is $15,000 (or $25,000 if a permanent disability).

You may need the following documents in order to complete the forms (in the event of a death):

• NOPD incident report or item number (the CVR Claims Investigator can obtain this if you don’t have access).

• New regulations may allow an accredited professional, other than law enforcement, to provide documentation that a crime has occurred; talk to your Parish Claims Investigator.

• Newspaper article(s) about the incident (if applicable).

• Any receipts for funeral, burial, or cremation expenses.

• A copy of life and/or burial insurance policy (if applicable).

• A copy of the itemized bill for the funeral costs.

• A copy of the death certificate.

• Victim’s and claimant’s social security cards.

• Claimant’s valid driver’s license or ID.

You may need the following documents in order to complete the forms (in the event of assault and/or injury):

• NOPD incident report or item number.

• There are other options for providing documentation that a crime has occurred; talk to your Parish Claims Investigator.

• Newspaper article(s) about the incident (if applicable).

• Itemized bills for medical care.

• Any medical insurance information / insurance card.

• Receipts for out-of-pocket medical payments (attach applicable bills or cross reference to a numbered list).

• If you have medical insurance, copies of explanations of benefits to indicate what portion of any bills were paid by insurance.

• Documentation of medical mileage (if 20+ miles away).

• For sexual assault victims: You should not get any bill for your FME (forensic medical exam), and if you do, let your Claims Investigator know.

Completed forms are sent from the Parish Claims Investigator directly to the LCLE in Baton Rouge. You can call their office to confirm that the forms have been received. Please be advised that this process can be very lengthy. The best option is to get in touch with the claims investigator in your parish. For New Orleans, this number is: (504) 202-9229. Emergency funds of up to $1,000 are also available and are usually processed more quickly.

Board Meetings are held monthly on the second Tuesday of every month at 602 N 5th St, Baton Rouge, at which cases are decided by the 12-member Board. You are allowed to attend when you know your case is being heard. You are entitled to speak briefly to the Board. You can appeal a denial of your claim, but reversals are rare.

Many (if not most) patients are eligible for income-based medical bill adjustments from local hospitals:

• Visit our website for links to many local hospital groups’ financial assistance policies, and/or call them directly: www.crimesurvivorsnola.org/hospital-financial-assistance.

• For medical expenses other than a sexual assault or Forensic Medical Exams (FME), you are required to first use your health insurance, if applicable.

Estate & Civil Legal Matters

This section discusses civil legal matters faced by families after the death of a loved one.

Because violence is very traumatic and you may be in shock, you may want to seek legal advice or talk to a trusted friend before making any major legal decisions or signing any legal or official looking forms/paperwork.

WILLS AND ESTATES

In the event that you are an heir to the decedent’s (deceased person’s) possessions, you will need a lawyer to prepare the legal papers to transfer ownership of the possessions to you. Note that this means that you legally inherit whatever assets and debts belonged to the deceased. It might be worth your while to speak to a lawyer if there are a lot of debts involved, as they might be able to help reduce the amount.

Louisiana is a community property state (things owned together), so one-half of the assets could be the spouse’s property.

If there is no will, the Louisiana rule is that the children (including adopted children) inherit the decedent’s property. If there are no children, and there is community property, then the spouse is the inheritor. If there is separate property and no children, then the siblings (adult or minor) will inherit. However, the parents will have usufruct, meaning use of any property. For example, if the decedent owned rental property, the siblings would own it, but the parents would get the rent payments (and pay insurance, mortgage, taxes, etc.).

With the help of an estate lawyer (or general lawyer who also practices estate law), and again when there is no will, you can ask the court to appoint you the executor (or representative) of the decedent’s estate – this is called a succession – so you can close the affairs of the decedent and distribute the property to the heirs.

If the person who died had assets less than $125,000, and there is no will, you can complete an affidavit to transfer ownership of the decedent’s property, including real estate, rather than go to court to open a succession. You will need the assistance of a lawyer, or notary, to do this.

You can get legal advice and representation through various legal aid and law clinics, of which many are free.

In Louisiana, you can handwrite a will. All you need to make it official is the city, the date, and your signature. This is a legal will and it is free. It’s a simple way to be clear as to whom you want to receive your worldly possessions, and possibly avoid unpleasant fights or conflicts.

• If you have sufficient assets and are concerned your child or grandchildren will squander the inheritance, you can include a trust in your will so a professional manages the inheritance, and your heirs receive a monthly income rather the entire inheritance in a lump sum.

DEATH CERTIFICATES

The funeral home will provide you with a death certificate. They coordinate this with the Coroner’s office. If you think you will need extra certificates, they will charge you a small amount for them. If relevant, you will need them for banks and credit card companies, loans, the IRS, and insurance; some of them may be willing to accept photocopies, or notarized copies.

FUNERAL AND LIFE INSURANCE

Burial or funeral insurance can only be used to take care of your loved one’s final expenses, whereas life insurance will provide you with a lump sum to spend however you want. Locate the policy and tell the company of the death. Find out what kind of documents they need to issue a check.

An insurance company has the right to do their own investigation into the case, which can delay payment. The policy may require having an accidental death provision included in order to receive compensation. You may not get burial compensation from Crime Victims Reparations if you already have this coverage.

BENEFICIARIES

If the deceased was named as a beneficiary on any of your policies or accounts, contact the various institutions to change this information.

FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS

Contact each financial institution where the deceased had an account. The bank will typically ask for an original death certificate for their records. They will then run a check to see what types of accounts the deceased had. They will be able to tell you what needs to be done; each institution will have its own procedures. Some carry insurance clauses that cancel debt balances upon death.

CREDIT CARD COMPANIES

Credit card companies also need to be notified in the event of a death. They may want a copy of the death certificate. If you have a joint card with the deceased, you will have to close the joint account and open a new one. Ask each company for help finding out if there are outstanding debts or obligations with the card(s).

LOANS

After death, some institutions will forgive the debts – but not all. You may be required to send to the various lenders an original death certificate as well as a copy showing you are the executor of the estate.

SAFE DEPOSIT BOX

If you are the executor of the estate, and can provide proper identification and a death certificate, you can enter the box to obtain any documents and possessions contained inside.

MONITORING THE MAIL

Sometimes statements are sent every 4 months, or once a year. These will alert you to accounts you did not know about. If applicable, get mail officially forwarded to your residence. Go to your local Post Office to get the form.

REAL ESTATE

Find the deeds to all properties and have the deceased’s name removed from the documents. This has to be done through a succession or with an affidavit.

HOMEOWNERS INSURANCE

If the property will be vacant, consider getting vandalism coverage, and take steps to protect the property as best you can. Ask the police for advice.

AUTOMOBILE

You need to find the title and bring it to the DMV with a death certificate. If you can’t find it, you can obtain an Application for Duplicate Title from the DMV. If there are still car payments due, you will need to pay off the loan. You can then transfer the title and registration into your name.

AUTO INSURANCE

Let the insurance company know of the death, and if applicable, ask about continuing the insurance in your name.

IRS

Be sure to notify the IRS, if age relevant. They will need an original copy of a death certificate. The spouse or family member has to file the decedent’s final state and federal income tax returns. This serves as notice of death to the IRS.

SOCIAL SECURITY

The Social Security administration (SSA) should be notified. Most funeral directors will do this for you as part of their service. Call (800) 722-1213 to be sure the change has been processed. You will need the deceased’s full legal name and social security number. The SSA will sometimes provide a onetime benefit of a couple of hundred dollars to the surviving spouse or dependent children.

MEDICARE

You should not need to notify Medicare.

CIVIL LAWSUIT

A civil case is a legal proceeding between 2 parties, where the plaintiff (person harmed) seeks to prove that the defendant (accused party) caused loss to the plaintiff, and sues the defendant for damages. You must see a private attorney if you want to pursue a civil case. (A criminal case is a legal proceeding brought by the State against the defendant.)

If you have experienced significant emotional or financial loss as a result of the crime, you may want to discuss filing a civil case against the defendant with a private attorney. A civil case may result in payments from the defendant to the plaintiff, but there can be no punishment (jail time) of a defendant in a civil case.

• You are allowed one year from the date of the crime to file a civil lawsuit against.

You can file a civil case even if you did not win the criminal trial. In civil cases, there are 6-12 jurors, and all must agree on the verdict. A civil jury has to find "the preponderance of evidence" against the defendant, which means that it is more likely than not that the defendant caused the loss; this is a lower standard than that found in a criminal case (which demands proving the defendant committed the crime “beyond reasonable doubt”). Thus, the civil case may be easier to prove than the criminal case.

• One of the most infamous examples of this is O.J. Simpson’s case, where he was acquitted in the criminal case, but found liable for damages in the civil case.

Note however, that you must pay all court costs and the fees of your private attorney if you want to file a civil suit. Some lawyers will file the case on “contingency” so that you do not pay unless they win money from the defendant, but you must be clear what fees and charges the attorney will get at the end of the case.

• If a defendant does not have any assets or sources of income, you may not be able to collect, even if you win the civil case. Obviously if the defendant doesn’t have any assets there is no point to doing this. In the event that the defendant had insurance, most policies will not cover intentional tort (a civil wrong), although they may cover cases involving negligence. You can discuss with a lawyer whether it is worth going through another trial if there is nothing substantial to gain.